Two salespeople walk into a store that's closing down.
The first one thinks: "Great, I can get these desperate people to sell cheap."
The second one thinks: "How can I help them liquidate inventory while getting what I need?"
Same situation. Completely different mindsets. Completely different outcomes.
The first salesperson might get a slightly better price, but they'll burn a bridge. The second will likely get a great deal AND a grateful partner who refers business their way.
Your mindset shapes your negotiation before you say a single word.
Abundance vs. Scarcity: Which Voice Are You Listening To?
We all have two voices in our heads when we negotiate:
The Scarcity Voice says: - "There's not enough to go around" - "If they win, I lose" - "I better grab what I can" - "This is my only chance"
The Abundance Voice says: - "There's plenty for everyone" - "We can both win" - "Let's create value together" - "If this doesn't work out, something better will"
Here's the remarkable thing: The voice you choose to follow shapes your reality.
When David approached his boss for a raise with a scarcity mindset, he thought, "The company is tight on money. I'm lucky to have a job. I shouldn't rock the boat."
He asked for 3% and got it.
His colleague Emma approached the same boss with an abundance mindset: "I create tremendous value. The company invests in what generates returns. How can we structure this so we both win?"
She proposed a 15% raise tied to specific performance metrics. She got 12% plus a bonus structure.
Same boss. Same budget. Different mindsets.
The Power of Positive Assumptions
What you assume about the other person shapes how they respond to you.
Assume they're your enemy, and they'll become one. Assume they're your partner, and they'll often rise to meet that expectation.
I learned this from my grandmother, who could negotiate anything. Her secret? She assumed everyone wanted to help her.
"People are basically good," she'd say. "They just need permission to show it."
She'd walk into a store and instead of demanding a discount, she'd say, "I know you want to help me find the best solution. What can we do here?"
Nine times out of ten, they'd find a way to help.
Try This: Before your next negotiation, write down three positive assumptions about the other person: - They want a fair outcome - They have constraints I don't know about - They'd prefer to say yes if they can
Watch how these assumptions change your approach—and their response.
Building Your Confidence Bank
Confidence in negotiation isn't about being loud or aggressive. It's about knowing your worth and believing in win-win outcomes.
Think of confidence like a bank account. Every positive negotiation experience makes a deposit. Every time you avoid negotiating or accept less than you deserve, you make a withdrawal.
Here's how to build your balance:
Start Small: Negotiate something low-stakes this week. Ask for extra sauce at a restaurant. Request a different appointment time. Return something past the deadline.
Document Wins: Keep a "Victory Journal." Write down every successful negotiation, no matter how small.
Reframe Losses: Instead of "I failed," try "I learned that..." Every negotiation teaches you something valuable.
Practice Self-Advocacy: Stand in front of a mirror and say, "I deserve this because..." Do it until it feels natural.
Lisa started her Victory Journal after struggling with confidence. Her first entry? "Asked for aisle seat on plane. Got it!"
Six months later, she negotiated a $25,000 salary increase. "The journal showed me I was already good at this," she said. "I just needed to see the evidence."
The Curiosity Advantage
The best negotiators I know are insatiably curious. They ask questions not to manipulate, but to understand.
Instead of: "Why won't you give me a discount?" Try: "Help me understand your pricing structure."
Instead of: "That timeline is ridiculous." Try: "What factors are driving that timeline?"
Curiosity does three powerful things:
1. It lowers defensiveness. Questions feel less threatening than statements. 2. It reveals hidden information. You discover constraints and opportunities you didn't know existed. 3. It builds connection. People appreciate genuine interest in their situation.
When Marcus was buying his first house, the seller seemed unmovable on price. Instead of pushing harder, Marcus got curious.
"What's most important to you in this sale?" he asked.
The seller revealed they needed to close quickly for a job relocation. Marcus offered the asking price with a two-week close. Both parties won.
The Three Cs of a Winning Mindset
Calm: You can't negotiate effectively when you're emotional. Before any negotiation: - Take five deep breaths - Remind yourself this isn't life or death - Have a backup plan (your BATNA)
Confident: You deserve good things. Practice saying: - "I bring value" - "My needs matter" - "There's a solution here"
Collaborative: You're problem-solving together. Use language like: - "How can we..." - "What if we..." - "Let's figure out..."
Dealing with Your Inner Critic
That voice saying you don't deserve more? It's lying.
Common Inner Critic lies and how to counter them:
"I should be grateful for what I have" Truth: Gratitude and ambition can coexist. You can appreciate what you have while working for more.
"They'll think I'm greedy" Truth: Asking for fair value isn't greedy. It's honest.
"I'm not worth it" Truth: Your worth isn't determined by what you've accepted in the past.
"What if they say no?" Truth: No is just information. It's not a judgment on your value as a person.
Write down your Inner Critic's favorite lines. Then write the truth next to each one. Review this before negotiations.
The Abundance Mindset in Action
Rachel ran a small bakery. A corporate client wanted a huge discount on a large order. Old Rachel would have panicked: "If I lose this, I'm in trouble."
New Rachel thought: "There are lots of corporate clients. Let's see what we can create together."
She said, "I can't match that price for this order, but what if we structured a long-term partnership? I could offer that rate for monthly orders over 500 units."
The client loved the idea. Rachel secured steady business at a fair price.
When you believe in abundance, you: - Think creatively - Stay calm under pressure - Walk away from bad deals - Attract better opportunities
Programming Your Mindset
Your mindset is like a muscle. Here's your workout routine:
Morning Affirmation: Start each day with "I create win-win solutions"
Reframe Practice: When you catch yourself thinking win-lose, stop and find a win-win angle
Gratitude + Growth: Each night, write one thing you're grateful for and one thing you want to improve
Visualization: Before negotiations, spend two minutes visualizing a positive outcome where everyone wins
The Mindset Emergency Kit
When you feel your mindset slipping, use these quick fixes:
1. The 5-5-5 Rule: Will this matter in 5 days? 5 months? 5 years?
2. The Best Friend Test: What would you tell your best friend in this situation?
3. The Abundance Reminder: "There's enough good to go around"
4. The Learning Frame: "Whatever happens, I'll learn something valuable"
1. Identify your dominant voice. For the next week, notice when Scarcity or Abundance is speaking.
2. Create three positive assumptions about someone you'll interact with this week.
3. Start your Victory Journal. Write down one past negotiation win today.
4. Practice curiosity. In one conversation this week, ask "Help me understand..." instead of making statements.
5. Program one mindset habit. Choose from the workout routine above and commit to 7 days.
Remember: Your mindset is your choice. You can't control what others do, but you can control how you think about it.
When you approach negotiations with abundance, curiosity, and confidence, you change the game. You stop playing win-lose and start creating win-win.
In the next chapter, we'll channel this mindset into concrete preparation strategies. Because while mindset is crucial, walking in prepared is what turns positive thinking into positive results.
Get ready to build your negotiation toolkit—one that you'll use for the rest of your life.