So how did Amy escape the nice person's trap? She discovered what I call the Strategic Generosity Matrix:
``` High Value to Others ↑ | Strategic | Doormat | Generosity | Territory | (POWERFUL) | (EXPLOITED) | | --------------------+-----------------+------------------ | Selective | Irrelevant | Investment | Territory | (BUILDING) | (INVISIBLE) | | Low Value to Others ↓ Low Value to You → High Value to You ```
Most nice people live in Doormat Territory—always giving high value to others while accepting low value for themselves. The key is moving to Strategic Generosity—being helpful in ways that benefit both others AND yourself.
Here's how Amy made the shift:
Step 1: The Value Audit She listed every extra task she did and categorized them: - Does this showcase my unique skills? - Does this connect me with influential people? - Does this align with my career goals?
Step 2: The Strategic No Instead of flat rejection, she learned to redirect: "I can't stay late for the Henderson presentation, but I can review it first thing tomorrow and provide feedback by 9 AM."
Step 3: The Visibility Pivot She stopped hiding behind "the team" and started owning her contributions: "I designed the algorithm that reduced processing time by 40%."