Most friendship advice exists in a fantasy world where you have unlimited time, boundless energy, and everyone lives next door. "Just be more available!" they chirp. "Make time for what matters!"
This creates a devastating gap between expectation and reality:
The Time Fantasy: Acting like you can create more hours in the day through better priorities. In reality, between work, family, health, and basic life maintenance, most adults have 5-10 discretionary hours per week. Total.
The Energy Delusion: Pretending social energy is infinite. After a day of meetings, parenting, or intense work, many people have the social energy of a depleted phone battery.
The Proximity Pretense: Ignoring that adult friendships often span neighborhoods, cities, or time zones. The "let's grab coffee" of college becomes a major calendar negotiation.
The Guilt Spiral: When reality doesn't match fantasy, we feel guilty. This guilt makes us avoid friendships entirely, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of isolation.
Traditional advice to "prioritize friendships" without acknowledging these constraints is like telling someone to run a marathon without training. You'll fail and feel worse about yourself.