Lisa had all the traditional power markers. MBA from Wharton. Aggressive negotiation style. Never showed weakness. Dominated every meeting. Worked 80-hour weeks to prove her dedication.
After five years of climbing the corporate ladder through sheer force of will, Lisa hit a wall. Passed over for VP. Again. The feedback was diplomatically vague, but the subtext was clear: "Not executive material."
Meanwhile, her colleague Bart—who seemed to work half as hard and speak half as much—got promoted twice in the same timeframe.
"I don't understand," Lisa told me, frustration evident. "I'm tougher than him. I work harder. I fight for every win."
"That's exactly the problem," I replied.
Lisa had fallen into the Power Paradox: The harder you grasp for power, the more it slips through your fingers. The more desperately you seek influence, the less influential you become.
Here's what neuroscience tells us about power dynamics:
When someone aggressively seeks power, our primitive brain registers them as a threat. We instinctively resist, undermine, or avoid them. But when someone appears powerful without trying—when they seem to have power rather than need it—we're magnetically drawn to them.
Think about it. Who would you rather follow? The manager who constantly reminds everyone they're in charge, or the one who's so secure in their authority they never mention it?