The Friendship Maintenance Matrix
Map relationships to appropriate maintenance strategies:
|Relationship Zone|Minimum Frequency|Maintenance Mode|Time Investment| |---|---|---|---| |Zone 5 (Inner Circle)|Weekly|Deep + Micro|2-4 hours/week| |Zone 4 (Close Friends)|Bi-weekly|Meaningful + Quick|1-2 hours/week| |Zone 3 (Activity Friends)|Monthly|Activity + Updates|2-4 hours/month| |Zone 2 (Acquaintances)|Quarterly|Light touch|30 min/quarter|
The Energy-Matched Connection Menu
Choose connection types based on current energy:
High Energy Available: - In-person dinners or activities - Deep phone conversations - New experience adventures - Hosting gatherings
Medium Energy Available: - Coffee or lunch meetups - Video chat catch-ups - Parallel body doubling - Low-key activities
Low Energy Available: - Voice message exchanges - Meme or photo sharing - Quick text check-ins - Emoji responses
Depleted Energy: - Read messages without pressure to respond - Like/react to social posts - Send "thinking of you, talk soon" - Schedule future connection when able
The Communication Template Library
Reduce friction with ready responses:
The Honest Capacity Message: "Hey! I'm swamped right now but thinking of you. Can we catch up [specific future time]?"
The Micro-Connection: "No time for a proper catch-up but wanted you to know you crossed my mind today. love"
The Reschedule Without Guilt: "I need to reschedule our plans—life is crazy. How's [alternative time]? Really looking forward to catching up."
The Group Maintenance: "Missing you all! Anyone free for [low-commitment activity] on [date]?"
The Re-engagement After Silence: "I know I've been MIA. Life got overwhelming but you matter to me. How have you been?"
The Seasonal Adjustment Guide
Adapt maintenance to life seasons:
High-Intensity Career Period: - Focus on Zone 4-5 only - Lunch meetings near work - Commute call catch-ups - Weekend morning connections
New Parent Phase: - Stroller walk meetups - Naptime video chats - Include friends in baby activities - Lower all expectations
Health Challenge Season: - Receive more than give - Allow friends to show up - Communicate needs clearly - Appreciate small gestures
Geographic Transition: - Increase virtual connections - Plan visit schedules - Maintain old while building new - Use transition as bonding opportunity