The DEEPER method provides a systematic approach to transforming surface relationships into meaningful connections:
D - Demonstrate Interest Beyond Surface
Move past polite inquiry to genuine curiosity:
- Ask follow-up questions that dig deeper
- Remember and reference previous conversations
- Show interest in their inner world, not just outer circumstancesE - Exchange Gradually Increasing Vulnerability
Build depth through progressive disclosure:
- Start with opinions and preferences
- Move to challenges and struggles
- Progress to fears and dreams
- Eventually share core values and woundsE - Establish Ritual and Rhythm
Create contexts that enable depth:
- Move beyond coffee to varied activities
- Establish regular meeting rhythms
- Create phone/text threads between meetings
- Build shared experiences and memoriesP - Practice Active Presence
Be fully present during interactions:
- Put away phones and distractions
- Make eye contact and use body language
- Reflect back what you're hearing
- Create space for silence and processingE - Explore Edges Together
Push past comfort zones as a team:
- Try new experiences together
- Discuss challenging topics
- Support each other through difficulties
- Celebrate growth and changeR - Reciprocate and Rebalance
Ensure mutual investment and sharing:
- Match their vulnerability level
- Take turns being supporter/supported
- Address imbalances directly but kindly
- Create space for both people's full selves