Now it's time for your own audit. Set aside 45-60 minutes for this exercise. Be honest—this is for your eyes only.
Part 1: The Relationship Inventory
List every person you'd consider more than an acquaintance. Include: - Close friends - Casual friends - Activity partners - Work friends - Online friends - Family members you're close to (beyond obligation) - Neighbors you connect with - Friends you've drifted from but could reconnect with
For each person, note: - How you met - How often you connect - Primary mode of connection (in-person, text, calls, online) - Last meaningful interaction - What you typically do together - Level of emotional intimacy (1-5 scale)
Part 2: The Zone Mapping Exercise
Categorize each relationship into one of five zones:
Zone 5 - Inner Circle: - Deep mutual trust and vulnerability - Would call in crisis at 3 AM - Know your whole story - Regular meaningful contact - Typical capacity: 1-3 people
Zone 4 - Close Friends: - Significant emotional connection - Regular social activities - Mutual support and advice - Know important life details - Typical capacity: 3-7 people
Zone 3 - Activity Partners: - Shared interests or activities - Enjoy spending time together - Limited emotional depth - Context-dependent friendship - Typical capacity: 10-20 people
Zone 2 - Friendly Acquaintances: - Pleasant interactions - Would stop to chat - Limited personal knowledge - No activities outside natural context - Typical capacity: 50-150 people
Zone 1 - Recognized Faces: - Know name and basic info - Cordial but minimal interaction - No social activities - Pure circumstantial connection - Typical capacity: Unlimited
Create a visual map with concentric circles representing each zone. Place each person in their appropriate zone. This visual representation often reveals patterns invisible in list form.
Part 3: The Domain Distribution
Group your Zone 3-5 relationships by life domain: - Work/Professional - Neighborhood/Geographic - Interest-Based (hobbies, sports, activities) - Values-Based (religion, causes, worldview) - Historical (school, childhood, past phases) - Family/Extended Family - Online/Virtual
Calculate what percentage of meaningful friendships exist in each domain. Heavy concentration in one area indicates vulnerability.
Part 4: The Time-Energy Analysis
For each Zone 3-5 relationship, estimate: - Hours spent together monthly - Energy level after interactions (Energizing/Neutral/Draining) - Initiative balance (Who reaches out more?) - Growth trajectory (Deepening/Stable/Fading)
This reveals relationship ROI and maintenance patterns.
Part 5: The Gap Analysis
Identify specific gaps: - Which zones feel under-populated? - Which life domains lack friendships? - Where do you want deeper connections? - What types of friendships are missing? - Which relationships have potential for growth?